


Alone

by Midlifecrisis



Series: The Journey [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, British Isak (Isaac), M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-05-18 15:29:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19337353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midlifecrisis/pseuds/Midlifecrisis
Summary: Isaac (Isak) Walterson goes on holiday to Oslo alone. AU meeting for our aged up boys.





	1. Arriving

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Not an aberration, but rather a truth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16826251) by [evakuality](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/pseuds/evakuality), [hjertetssunnegalskap (Crazyheart)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyheart/pseuds/hjertetssunnegalskap). 



> Kai, the character by evakuality and Crazyheart, appears in a memory in ch 12.
> 
> This fic is not even remotely autobiographical. Nope. Not at all!

Isaac Walterson stepped off the plane at Gardermoen Airport and instantly felt the air change. The Scandinavian air seemed to be different to that in the UK - warmer but fresher, cleaner and for some reason more vibrant.

He looked at the other passengers as they thanked the cabin crew and walked carefully down the steps, each one of them seemed to have a plan. A mission. A reason to be! There were the business people, talking loudly and confidently into their phones. Families with parents tying to cajole tired children into behaving on the final leg of their journeys. There were couples, linking hands and helping each other with luggage and bags of duty free bargains. 

And then there was Isaac. 

How would he describe himself? A newly single 40 year old childless divorcé with a successful but dull career who spontaneously booked a week's holiday to Oslo on the back of watching an online teenage drama which piqued his curiosity and gave him the courage to act. It sounded ridiculous.

As he travelled by the cheaper train into the centre of Oslo he questioned his actions for the millionth time.

It had been over 20 years since he had travelled on holiday by himself and he was, to put it mildly, terrified. 

Before he left, the research and planning for his trip had kept him busy. He had spent hours looking at tourist websites and reading reviews. The 'Visit Oslo' website had got him really excited and had resulted in him filling up his itinerary with museum visits and walking tours. He had found a solo traveller blog which inspired him to look at clubs, bars, microbreweries and restaurants for his evenings. And then there was his little Lonely Planet guide which he hoped to use to the max. He also was secretly planning to jog round the key sites of the teen drama. He had a printed map in his case with the route planned. (He internally rolled his eyes at himself for that one but he knew he couldn't help it. He would probably have a kebab at he joint the kids ate in, even though as a doctor he knew how awful they were!) 

Yesterday, before he left, he wondered in his excitement how a week was going to be enough. Now, as he sat alone in his hotel room, having emptied his suitcase and put away his toiletries, he wondered with a growing dread how he would last that long by himself. He looked at his watch. 7.30pm. Had he made a terrible mistake?

Isaac decided to head down to the hotel bar. He knew that Oslo was expensive but he had come prepared with plenty of money. He went to the en-suite bathroom and tried to make himself look presentable. He took a quick shower, using the free toiletries as he forgot to take his into the shower with him. He brushed his teeth and tried to comb his curly hair into some semblance of a style. Jess had always complained about how messy it looked, so he had kept it short when they were together. But for the past year he had worn it longer until it sat in curls on his forehead and round his ears. 

As he stood naked and damp and looked at his reflection in the mirror, he wondered if Jess hadn't been right after all. He was looking old and tired and his unkempt hair only made matters worse. Although he had always kept fit, he was starting to look saggy. His pubic hair had one or two greys in it and as he turned round to examine it, he was sure his arse looked like an old man's. All of a sudden, his insecurities came flooding back and he felt himself on the verge of a panic attack. 

He sat down carefully and slowly on the closed toilet lid and put the heels of his hand into his eye sockets. He pressed harder until his vision began to sparkle yellow. He slowly counted down from fifty and by the time he got to ten, he was feeling a little calmer. He completed the counting to one and stood up slowly. Breathing carefully he pulled on some clean underwear, the new black jeans he had treated himself to (skinnier than he was used to, but by no means as skinny as the kids wore them), a simple green shirt and his black shoes. He grabbed his wallet, the novel he was reading (just in case) and room key and then left before he could change his mind.

As he exited the lift his heart sank. He had hoped to meet someone here he could at least make polite conversation with, but the bar and restaurant were empty apart from an old couple speaking loudly in American accents, and a man behind the bar, setting up glasses and bottles. It looked like he'd be needing his novel after all. Isaac swallowed down the panic he felt rising in his chest again and willed his legs to propel him towards the bar. 'Come on, Isaac!' He told himself. 'Don't be a wuss. This is what you're here for...something new!' 

He sat at one of the stools and waited patiently for the bartender to finish stocking the fridge. The bartender unfolded himself and Isaac was surprised how tall he was. Well over six feet. When he turned round to face him he smiled a huge grin, so wide that his eyes almost crinkled shut. The he said something in Norwegian, but when he saw the befuddled look on Isaac's face he switched to German. When that had no effect he tried English. 

"Good evening, Sir. Can I get you something to drink? His voice was considerably deeper than Isaac had been expecting from what he could only describe as his rather skinny frame.

Isaac nodded. "Thank you, yes. I'm sorry I don't speak Norwegian. I've been trying to learn some for coming here but I apologise, it's very difficult. I can just about say hello and thank you. Erm, just a beer please? A local one is fine, whatever's cheapest." 

The bar tender nodded and began pouring the draught beer. He looked at Isaac as he poured and began to chat, giving Isaac his full attention. Actually looking him directly in the eye. It was a little surprising and almost too much.

"I know, Norwegian can be very difficult, it is hard to learn from books. Much easier to learn through conversation. You'll learn it much easier now you're here." He passed over the pint of golden liquid. "Anything else?" He asked, "a drink for someone who's joining you?"

"No thank you. Just me." Isaac said and tried to smile. He wasn't sure he could pull off happiness, but he ought at least be polite. He told the man his room number and he added it to his tab.

The bartender continued to stand in front of Isaac. "Are you on holiday?"

Isaac had just taken a sip of his beer so he nodded wordlessly.

"What on earth made you choose Oslo?"

Isaac wasn't sure he was ready to confess his teen fic obsession to a stranger, so he just shrugged as he put his pint back down and said, "It's my first holiday alone for some time and everyone said there was plenty to do in Oslo. I did a bit of research and here I am!"

"Well, they're not wrong. I've lived in Oslo all my life and it surprises me nearly every day! What are you planning on doing?"

Isaac rattled off his plans, missing out the kebab shop, highlighting the bits that sounded more cultural. For some reason he wanted this bartender to think well of him. They spoke for around another half an hour until eventually the bartender surprised him totally.

"Look, I don't know if you'd be interested, but I get off at 20:30. I work reception, but I'm filling in for the usual girl who's had some kind of family thing. I could show you round tonight if you like. I'm not a stalker or a murderer...the hotel will vouch for me. I'm good company and I know some really great places with good music and beer. What do you say?"

Isaac was more than a little taken aback, but he couldn't help but smile. He paused thoughtfully. Then he made a decision,

"You know what. That would be really great." What did he have to lose? He stuck out his right hand. "I'm Isaac, by the way."

"Isak? Really?" The man said with his delightful Norwegian accent and shook his hand. "Even. Lovely to meet you."


	2. Walking

As the two men walked along the street, Isaac took the opportunity to glance at Even out of the corner of his eye. He was roughly Isaac's age and tall - as Isaac had already noticed, but actually only one or two centimetres taller than Isaac himself when he stood up straight and didn't slouch. He appeared taller due his excellent posture and a rather swoopy quiff that Isaac had to admit, he wore very well. Isaac subconsciously touched his own hair, trying to pat down his curls. He had always worn a baseball cap in college to tame it, but he felt far too old for anything like that now.

As if he could feel Isaac's eyes on him, Even turned to him and smiled. His eyes were blue. Blue like the sky on a cloudless but chilly winter's day. Isaac metaphorically shook his head, where the hell had that piece of poetry come from?

"So, Isak...what do you do?"

Isaac's smile widened and deepened. 

"Are you laughing at me, Isak? Was that question too much of a cliché?"

Isaac shook his head, still smiling, "No, no, sorry, it's not that at all. You just say my name funny. It sounds like Isak instead of Isaac."

Even blushed a little. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. It's how we pronounce it here." 

"I'm not offended. In fact, I rather like it. I think I might prefer it to Isaac. Isaac always sounded so...biblical. So Old Testament prophet." He flapped his hands as he spoke, then paused. "Isak sounds like a different character, younger, more alive, more risk taking, more European. I like it." And to his surprise he found that he meant every word.

"You British!" Even shook his head, "you ARE European."

Isaac laughed, "You know what I mean!"

"Then Isak is your name for the next...how many days?"

"Seven", Isaac supplied.

"Well, sir. For the next seven days you are Isak: the young, go-getting tourist, ready to make his mark on Oslo." Even grinned. "Ready ISAK?" He emphasised his name dramatically.

Isaac didn't usually swear but he couldn't help it. For the first time in many years he tentatively felt lighter and freer, "Abso-fuckin-lutely EVEN!" Isaac answered with a grin. "Where are you taking me?"

"I thought we'd go to a bar I know that sells great beers but also has some local musicians and groups that play live sets. Does that sound ok?"

Isaac nodded and smiled. They walked quietly for a while, neither man talking. But the silence started to hang heavy and Isaac began to question himself. What was he doing? Was it ok just to make a new friend and hang out with them? He was in a strange city where he knew no-one. Was he going to get robbed and beaten up, or sold into white slavery? Was this wise? How tragic that he needed a stranger to look after him...a failed marriage and two terrible 'relationships' behind him. He could feel his breath starting to get heavy again, why did he always do this? Where did all this negative crap come from? He forced himself to begin counting backward from fifty again. Calm down Isaac. This guy, Even, is just being friendly to a customer. He probably pitied him...a tragic middle aged man travelling alone? He shook himself...God he could be so dramatic sometimes. Get a grip Isaac! As he began to come out of his internal monologue he realised it had been a very long time since anyone had spoken. He caught Even's eye as he looked at him.

"Are you ok Isak?" He asked, "You looked...lost...for a bit there."

Isak looked at him, feeling a bit strange but ready to try. "Sorry, This is a bit out of my comfort zone. I...erm...I'm not sure...I've erm never done anything like this before. Be so spontaneous I mean. I sometimes get a bit of a panic on and it takes a wee while to breathe my way out of it."

Even nodded and smiled a gentle but warm smile. He didn't say anything but Isaac felt like he understood at least a little bit. They fell back into walking silently. The architecture around started to change, becoming less corporate and decidedly more what Isak would call 'hipster'.

It was Even who broke the silence. "You didn't actually answer my question, Isak. What is it that you do?"

"Oh, I'm a doctor."

"Wow, that's great, Isak. You must be very busy curing people all day, but very rewarding I would guess. No wonder you need a holiday! What's your specialty?"

"Yeah", Isaac paused, he wasn't sure how honest to be with a Even. He had only just met him after all, but he supposed that it could be easier talking to a stranger rather than a colleague or friend at home. He had been honest so far and it seemed not to be scaring his new friend away.

"Actually, my job is kind of boring. I AM a doctor, but I'm a pathologist. I don't get to see patients. I work in a lab and not even very high up. Basically I just test bodily fluids all day and present the results to someone else who works out what they actually mean. It's pretty mundane, same routine day in day out and you never get to hear how it worked out for the patients. If you want blood, urine or faeces tested then I'm your man!"

Even wrinkled his nose and Isaac internally punched himself in the face. What an idiot. Way to disgust a new friend. He imagined that Even would sit with him for enough time to be polite but then make his excuses and leave.

"Oh, I don't know, Isak" Even continued. "We are all just cogs in the great machine of society and if we didn't play our part, the whole thing would be worse off. I'm sure you're valuable in what you do. I never planned on working in a hotel, but due to some rather unexpected circumstances I find that my career as an Oscar winning Hollywood director has failed before it started." He snorted. "And I love what I do. Shift work gives me useful hours off and I sometimes get to meet very interesting people!" He wiggled his eyebrows.

Isaac was grateful to Even for his generous statement, but before he could reply they turned into a cobbled lane, and he could hear the music flowing out a door, into the evening air.

"This is the place."

Even politely let Isaac go through the the door first, with a quiet, "After you, Isak." and a gentle palm placed on Isaac's lower back, guiding him inside.

Isaac froze. The moment Even's hand had made contact with him, just through his shirt he felt like he had been electrocuted. He snapped his head round and looked directly at Even, realising too late that perhaps it was an inappropriate thing to do. But he was so confused that he wondered if it was just him. Had Even felt that, whatever it was, too?

The look in Even's eyes was unreadable.

Isaac paused. He didn't know what to do. Even looked at him for a moment, a small line appearing between his eyebrows. Then all of a sudden his face relaxed and he turned and moved them both inside. Isaac still didn't know what to do but he simply decided to let his body calmly follow Even. His mind, however, his mind was going into overdrive, whirring through all the possibilities.

He couldn't remember the last time a touch had felt so...so...real. All through his five years with Jess he had felt comforted by her, or cared for, but her touch had never felt like THAT. And by the end..well he couldn't remember them actually having physical contact. His two girlfriends in his horny twenties had lacked that kind of...something, whatever it was. He had had orgasms and sex and so forth but it wasn't quite the same. Suddenly an image of Jonas appeared in is mind. Where the hell did THAT come from? He hadn't seen Jonas since he was sixteen! Why would Even's touch remind him of Jonas? He didn't know how to finish that thought in his head so he looked at Even who was smiling at him again.

He realised he had gone silent...again. He smiled awkwardly back. Even led them to an empty table, "I'll just get us some beers."

Isaac watched him as he walked towards the bar. Even carried himself so proudly but walked so softly, like a dancer. As he looked at him now he saw how long his limbs were, his arms and legs seemed attached to his body by hinges. It was delightful to watch. His long back and slender waist moved to the side to let a waitress with a tray of heavy drinks past, and Isaac saw how Even's bottom swayed out of the way. 

He stopped short for the second time in five minutes. Why was he looking at another man's arse?

What the fuck was happening?


	3. Talking

Even had returned with two beers and sat next to Isaac at the table.

"Isak, are you ok? You look strange." Even looked concerned. The silence built again. "I'm sorry. This is is my fault. I've pressured you to being here. If you're uncomfortable I can show you how to get back to the hotel. I didn't mean to force you into socialising with me. I just thought it would be nice to show a visitor a bit of the real Oslo. I'm so sorry. I sometimes act a bit too spontaneously, not everyone likes that. I'm a stranger to you. I must freak you out."

Isaac wanted to explain. To tell Even what he'd really been thinking about - Even's arse - but he couldn't even begin to know how to form that into a sentence. Especially as he didn't know why he was looking in the first place! Instead, he looked at Even's face. He took in his blue eyes again, his fine eyebrows and his straight nose. He let his eyes glance at his full lips and strong jaw. His hair had a few greys above his ears. He continued down his insanely elegant neck across his broad shoulders and...stopped. He was aware that he had been looking without speaking for far too long.

"What's your pin?" He blurted out, pointing at the pink, yellow and blue rectangle. It was a bit of a non sequitur, but Isaac didn't know what else to do. He didn't actually understand anything about his thoughts over the past five minutes.

Even didn't seem to mind.

"My pin?" Even looked down. "Oh my badge. Erm, it's a pansexual flag. It represents someone who is pansexual?"

"What's that?" Isaac asked, the words coming out harsher than he meant them to.

"Well...its me." Even began. "I'm pansexual. I am attracted to someone because they are them and not depending on what body parts they have. Have you never heard of this before Isak?"

Isaac shook his head. "I've seen colleagues back home wear a rainbow badge, but never those colours..." His voice died away.

"I'm still wearing it from Pride at the weekend. I wasn't marching this year, but I went along to support and cheer. It was a great day and so important." 

Isaac silently nodded. Even sounded so comfortable talking about it, talking about his sexuality. Even looked at Isaac carefully, his voice low, "Is that OK with you? My sexuality I mean."

Isaac nodded again. He suddenly realised that he probably sounded like a homophobe. He wasn't repulsed by Even. The opposite in fact. He was wowed by his easy going acceptance of explaining his sexuality and the clear certainty that he obviously felt. He stumbled over his words as he tried to explain.

"I'm sorry, Even. I didn't mean to be offensive. No, not at all. Really not. Your sexuality doesn't bother me. No, that's the wrong word, I mean... It's not my business. Actually, I am just so amazingly impressed by your confidence. I totally didn't mean...I...apologise if it came out as anything else."

It was Even's turn to simply nod once.

"May I be honest with you, Even?"

"I think you have so far Isak." He gave a one sided smile.

"Ok. Well..here goes. I have been divorced for a year, after a disaster of a relationship and marriage that lasted a total of five years. I married Jess in a panic because I felt that life was passing me by. We were never in love. She worked that out pretty quickly and left me before I could leave her. The separation and divorce has resulting in me developing panic attacks. It can be very overwhelming and frightening, leaving me feeling exhausted."

Even nodded thoughtfully but encouragingly. Again, he seemed to understand.

"I have had two other girlfriends, when I was in my twenties, both relationships were casual and rather unfulfilling. In school I had the traditional school boy crush on my best friend, Jonas. When I told my mum about it, she explained that it was perfectly natural and that once I met the right girl these feelings would go away. She said that God never tempted us beyond what we could stand, and that that's all that Jonas was...a test. The feelings never went away so I ran, both metaphorically and literally. I haven't spoken to him for more than twenty years. At first from fear but now just through losing touch. And for some reason tonight I am thinking about him and it makes me terribly sad, he was my best friend. You actually remind me of him. Not physically, just...something." He shrugged.

Even reached out and patted the back of both of Isaac's hands that were sitting on the table. Isaac stared at them. He inhaled slowly.

"I'm in Oslo because I watched that teen series...on NRK? Do you know it?"

Even nodded again, "Yes. I watched it too." He said quietly.

"Oh." Isaac licked his lips. "Please don't laugh at me but these teenagers on the show were going through so much, but they were fearless. They supported each other and talked about everything, and understood. It was so inspiring, even though it was fiction. I have no-one like that and I thought if I came here I could maybe imbibe a little of that youthful passion and courage. It sounds ridiculous as I say it, but...well...its the truth. I was even going to go to their kebab place and eat one."

"Bislett kebab." Even said. "It's a good takeaway." 

Isaac continued, "Norway seems a place that is happy and progressive. A place where you can really breathe."

"I suppose it is. We ARE the happiest nation on earth." Even laughed, "But there is still plenty of existential angst! Munch was Norwegian after all. 'The Scream' is quintessentially Norwegian! We have our pains as well."

Isaac looked in Even's eyes. There seemed to be so much going on behind the cool blue.

"I'm terrible lonely, Even. I didn't even know it until about two minutes ago. I don't know who I am or what I want. I tolerate my job. All my friends are really acquaintances or colleagues. My Mum has struggled with her mental health for years and my dad left us when I was seventeen. My sister lives in the States and we rarely speak. My job is just 'blah'. If I left tomorrow I wouldn't miss it. It all means so little to me and I never noticed before. 

He glanced quickly at Even, but he still seemed to be interested. 

"I can't explain it properly but your company and kindness to me for just this short time tonight has been one of the nicest experiences I have had in years, like a soft hand on my cheek. I am sorry if that comes across as being really weird."

Isaac finished speaking and looked down at Even's hands still sitting on top of his own on the table.

"When you were walking over to the bar I..." God, what was he doing! Should he say this? COULD he say this? "...I totally checked you out. You are very beautiful. You are a man and I think that you are very beautiful." Isaac sighed.

Even let out what could only be a giggle. It was low and rumbling but a giggle none the less. "I hope it was when I swayed past that waitress and wiggled my ass. It's one of my best moves!"

Isaac looked at him, disbelief all over his face. "Have you been flirting with me?"

"Not very well, Isak, if you have to ask...but yes, I was trying to. You sometimes zone out a little bit which put me off my usual game."

"Oh. I see."

"I noticed you from the moment you stepped out of the lift."

For the umpteenth time that night the silence stretched between them.

"Even. I...I..erm...I think I'm gay."

Even grazed his thumb over the back of Isaac's hand, "Yes, Isak, I think you are."


	4. Dancing

It was 10am, or 10:00 as they say in Norway. Isak lay on the bed in his hotel with his eyes closed. His hands were folded carefully across his stomach, his legs crossed at the ankles. He looked to be the very picture of serenity and peace.

He was not.

He had slept through breakfast and on waking up his mind had started whirring, like a clockwork toy wound up too tightly and unable to stop. He brain was a tin monkey, cymbals endlessly clashing, legs ceaselessly marching. 

What the hell has happened last night? He had been in Oslo for less than twenty four hours and he couldn't even recognise himself. Instead of being a heterosexual, reserved, steady (meaning dull) 40 year old divorcé, he was apparently a homosexual, slightly gregarious, slightly exciting 40 year old single man who had just had his first kiss in over a year.

He let his thoughts drift back through the previous evening.

\-----------

"Even. I...I..erm...I think I'm gay."

"Yes, Isak, I think you are."

Isak pulled his hands back out of Even's grip, "How the hell did you know I was gay when I didn't know myself? How did you know that it was ok to flirt with me?"

I didn't know anything Isak. I just found myself attracted to you and was happy to let you know. I figured it was up to you to decide what you wanted to do about it. I wasn't, however, expecting to uncover such a...whatever this is that we've uncovered."

It was Isaac's turn to laugh. "God I'm exhausted! This is all very serious. It's not exactly the fun filled night I was hoping to have. I've only been in Oslo for about 5 hours and I already don't recognise myself. Baring your deepest self, surely takes it out of you. I'm totally exhausted."

Even laughed lightly. "Yeah, that sounds about right. What would you like to do, Isak?"

"Could we stay here for a wee while, listen to the music, drink a few beers, and then head back to the hotel?"

"I would like that very much."

The rest of their evening had settled into an easy atmosphere. Although it couldn't be called 'mundane' as such, it was no longer so dramatic in scope. Both men agreed that any discussion of Isaac's emerging sexuality should be put on the back burner for the sake of a simple night out, good music and getting to know a new friend. Although the revelation was always there between them, they both allowed the conversation to turn to more standard fare. 

Isaac learned of Even's love for art. He was so interesting to listen to as he spoke with enthusiasm and authority about his favourite paintings and sculptures. Although he could explain his academic and intellectual appreciation for more modern artists like Bridget Riley and Mondrian, Isaac saw Even really come alive when he spoke about Classical and Neo-Classical art...especially the human form. Intellectual pursuit was fine, Even said as he waved his hand, but true art needed to break your heart with its beauty. Even was self aware enough to realise how clichéd it sounded but he wouldn't apologise for his first love. He had seen Michelangelo's paintings in the Sistine Chapel on a family holiday at the age of eleven, and it had touched him deeply in his soul and he would never get over it. Isaac snorted that it didn't hurt to have lots of beautifully rendered naked flesh to look at either, but Even denied being so shallow. It was the colour, the composition and the immensity of vision that caught his young mind, not the buttocks and abs!

When the live music finished, a DJ began and the dancing started. Even insisted that Isaac joined him on the dance floor, which was really just a small section in front of the bar without tables and chairs. Luckily it was quite crowded so Isaac didn't feel too exposed and the only person he really knew was Even so who cared anyway! He bobbed his head awkwardly as Even moved around him with a style that could only be called 'dad dancing'. Isaac couldn't help laughing and giggling as Even sang along to nearly every song, at one point lifting his hands above his head to exultantly shout out the chorus.

Isaac had stopped thinking a few hours ago. The beer had given him a nice buzz and he was enjoying every moment. It had been over a decade since he had been out dancing, the last time being at his wedding to Jess. This was totally different. There were no expectations on him, no lurking feelings or dissonance. Just loud music and terrible dance moves. The people around him were all ages, some older some younger and he felt like he belonged. His first night in Oslo and he already felt more at home than in his tiny flat back in the UK.

By midnight, Isaac started to flag. As he yawned for the second time in a row, Even smiled and put his hand on his elbow.

"It's been a big night Isak, time to go home don't you think? I'll take you back to the hotel." Isaac simply nodded.

Even suggested the tram back, which made for a swifter and less energetic return journey. He didn't think he could have walked the distance after all that dancing!

"How did you know my room number?" Isak asked with a confused look on his face. 

"Do you not remember, Isak? I put your drink on your room tab last night."

"Last night? Last night? It feels like a lifetime ago, Even." Isak smiled and took a deep breath. He let his backside rest against the door to his room as he slouched. He looked at his feet, twisting them back and forward. "I had hoped that a week's holiday in Oslo might have helped me - refreshed me and help me move on with my life at home. It turns out that one night is all it takes to turn everything around so that it will never be the same again."

Even took a step closer to him, looking down a little. He slowly lifted his right hand and gently let it come to rest oh Isaac's cheek, almost not making contact. "You said time with me was like a caress to your cheek. How does it feel for real?"

Isaac closed his eyes and leaned into the palm of Even's hand. He sighed.

The pause in the conversation lengthened and Isaac's breathing became slower and steadier. Even smiled, "Isak, are you falling asleep?"

Isak's eyelids fluttered open, "Mmm? Maybe just a wee bit?" he breathed.

Even let out a short breathy snort and slowly bent over and touched Isaac's lips with his own. He simply let them touch, no moving at all. Then, without even pecking, he slowly moved back and away. 

"Good night Isak." He reached over and opened Isaac's door, gently guiding him inside as it swung open.

As he pulled it shut, he saw Isaac tilt his head to the side as the gap closed.

"Good night Even"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beginning to doubt where this is going....Help! It's a bit saccharine. Wasn't meant to be! How do the characters do that?


	5. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac runs and thinks. A tiny bit meta.

Isaac pulled out his map to confirm where he was. He checked the stop off points he had carefully labelled before leaving the UK. He had printed the map out surreptitiously at work and then traced the route by hand in yellow highlighter. He had had to be secretive because he didn’t want anyone to know that he was going on holiday because he watched a foreign teen TV programme!

He had started his run from his hotel on the edge of the Akerselva River, jogging across town taking in the apartments, shops and parks that had been used the TV programme. He stopped at the high school used in the show, sat on a bench and took a sneaky selfie - feeling way too old for such an action and hoping that no-one had seen him. The farthest point in his run was the Sagene Church - the start of one of the most tender moments between two of the main characters. Here he took a second selfie, this time with more confidence, and headed back into the centre of town via the Bislett Kebab shop to the Kaffebrenneriet in Skovveien for his post run coffee.

He bought a latte, a bottle of water and a sandwich, as he had missed breakfast and tried not to flinch at the high cost (everyone had warned him - Oslo was expensive) and sat down at a free table outside in the shade of the building.

He was sweaty and out of breath and on a total high! It had been one of the best runs he had ever done. 

He glugged down the bottle of water quickly and then took his time eating and drinking the rest of his breakfast/lunch. As he ate, he watched the people in the street. He could easily tell the difference between the tourists who were wearing bright clothes and carrying maps and cameras, and the local people who were in their work or school clothes, pushing prams or busy walking, head down with backpacks.

He smiled. He couldn’t help it. He was happy. He was alone and sweaty in a strange city, drinking overpriced coffee, and he was happy.

As he let his mind wander in his contentment, his thoughts turned easily and naturally to Even. His first thought was of the way Even said his name: ‘Isak’, in that low, alluring voice of his.

Isak.

Isak. 

Isak. 

It sounded so exotic. Not at all how he viewed himself. From the first time Even said his name, Isaac was charmed. His accent was… His accent was simply gorgeous. He WANTED to be Isak and not Isaac. How could he become Isak? How?

And then there was the man himself. Even. His appearance: the shape of him was so pleasing to the eye. The outline of his face and jaw were sharp and soft at the same time. His elegant, fleshy mouth. The soft lines round his eyes that made him look like he was smiling all the time. His tall body seemed to hold power but also tenderness in every move. And the way he moved! How his limbs unfolded themselves when he stood up, not like butterfly wings, but the wings of an angel, ready to beat with power. How he walked with grace. How he danced like a loon! 

But also the way he observed you as you spoke to him, listening to every word and considering his response; His cool blue eyes - almost grey at times, gazing into you, like he could make you share anything just by listening. It had taken Even less than two hours without even trying to help Isaac realise and reveal his repressed homosexuality. It seemed like the strangest thing in the world. Yet it seemed like the most natural and obvious thing in the world. Isaac was gay. It made perfect sense.

He had finished his coffee and was starting to get chilled as his sweat cooled, so he stood up to walk back to the hotel. He unfolded the map to check directions and headed off at a steady pace. Once again, his mind filled the silence and he began to think of Jonas. He probed at the memories like pressing a bruise: like probing at an aching tooth - tentative yet something about the pain that validates your existence. 

His feelings for Jonas hadn’t been a practice for girls after all. He knew it all along but had hidden it away. Jonas had been the first time he had felt anything for a boy; His first gay crush. If he had let himself realise it then, then perhaps his life would have been very different. 

Or not. 

He shook his head - literally he shook his head. He wasn’t going to play that game anymore. No ‘what ifs’…he refused to lose himself in regrets, and there were a lot of them. If his weekly sessions with a therapist for the last year had taught him anything it was… 

“Look back to learn, look forward to live.”

And Isaac intended to live. 

Abso-fuckin’-lutely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you can see what I'm planning to do on my holiday to Oslo!


	6. Kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac, or rather Isak, starts living.

Isaac sat on the same stool at the hotel bar as he had the previous evening - on what had been his first day in Oslo. He had a his Oslo Lonely Planet guide open and propped up on an empty bowl. He lifted his eyes from the text and looked around the room for the seven hundredth and fifteenth time in the last five minutes. Well that's what it felt like. He was looking for Even.

Isak had had a great day. First his run and coffee, and then a shower. Once clean he went into full tourist mode. He purchased a two day pass for the ubiquitous Big Bus Tour which took you round the key sites, accompanied by a pithy and entertaining narrator. He decided to only jump off at the waterfront so he could climb the opera house roof (with the rest of the population of Oslo!) He took more selfies looking out over the Oslofjord but everyone else was too so he felt less awkward than earlier. The bus went all the way out to Holmenkollen, and he listened to every little detail on the audio track through his headphones. He loved the funny stories that voiceover women told, especially when she laughed heartily at her own tales.

By the time the bus deposited him back at the start, he was ready for a chilled beer and dinner.

He and Even hadn't exchanged details or phone numbers last night, so he just assumed he would see him at the hotel. He wasn't on duty at lunchtime and he didn't seem to be around this evening either. When the bar-tender asked for his order, Isaac asked her for one beer in Norwegian. He had been practicing it for Even, using the phrase book section in his guide, but he felt there was no point wasting his new found skill! When he spoke, he realised it had been the first time he had used his voice today apart from ordering his coffee and his bus ticket. He felt his forehead crumple into a frown. It seemed that without Even he wasn't doing a very good job of 'living'!

Isaac bravely asked in English, "Excuse me, is Even working tonight?"

"No, it's his day off on a Monday. He's back in tomorrow on the early shift. Can I help you, sir?"

Isaac shook his head and took a sip of his beer. "Nei. Takk."

"Vær så god." And she wandered off to serve other customers.

He opened his book to begin looking through it for places for dinner tonight. He needed somewhere with perhaps entertainment or outdoor seating so he wouldn't look out of place sitting by himself. The lack of Even was a dull ache that he couldn't shake, like a fly buzzing against a window on a summer day, always there but sometimes you stopped noticing it for a while. He made a conscious effort to push his growing disappointment to the back of his mind. Even had been a surprise, a delightful and rather immense surprise but a surprise none the less. Isaac still planned on making the most of this holiday - he had been looking forward to it for months. He couldn't expect Even to be at his beck and call just because of one evening. (One evening which included an amazing conversation, a profound revelation, a few energetic dances and a gentle and intoxicating kiss.) Isaac was aware that he was arguing with himself..."No I do not need Even to enjoy my holiday" versus "God, I fucking miss him."

He decided on the Oslo 'Street Food' market. It had lots of different food styles and he hoped that the seating would be communal and allow him to speak to people. It was within walking distance and would prevent him having to navigate public transport. He thought he could manage the tram, but he preferred walking anyway.

The smell of the food was delicious and the noisy atmosphere encouraging, as he arrived in the square. He decided on Peruvian cuisine (he had no idea what it was but it was tasty and plentiful anyway) and he found that he passed an interesting couple of hours chatting with the other customers. There was a couple from Germany who had two surly teenagers. They spoke to him about their holiday, this was their last night. The adults had enjoyed the Viking Museum and Palace, but the children came to life when talking about mountain bilking in the forest to the north of Oslo. A single older lady from Sweden made polite conversation with him for a while, suggesting that he visit the Akershus Fortress as it had a fascinating display on the Norwegian Occupation during World War Two. As she was leaving, she turned to Issac and said, "Actually young man...although the fortress is very interesting can I suggest that you let yourself go a little? You look like you could do with a little fun that perhaps isn't so...'controlled' if you know what I mean?" And with that she wandered away.

Isaac knew that she had hit the nail on the head, she must be a witch! All night he had felt an itch that he could not scratch. A feeling in himself that he knew he was going to have to deal with. He took out his phone and after a quick search and map download he made his decision where he was going next. The London Pub sounded too large and..well British..not what he was looking for. He settled on 'Elsker'. The word meant love and in (not quite) the words of the classic song - Isaac was going to go to a gay bar!

He stood outside the front door and stared at the sign...it was the etiquette of the club: 

"Straight friends are welcome"

"Do not freak out if a same sex guest hits on you."

"No grabbing by pussies."

Isaac swallowed thickly and walked in.

The club inside was half full. The walls were bare brick, painted white with some dark wood panelling and subtle lighting. Isaac let out the breath that he didn't know he had been holding. He realised he had thought it would be pink velvet seating, gold filigree and dick shaped chandeliers. He stood about one centimetre inside the doorway, unsure of how to proceed. As he dithered, a young man walked up to him. He was wearing what Isaac in his head called 'normal' clothes but realised that was probably offensive - what was he expecting, leather and chains? The man must have been about twenty years old at most. 

"Hei. Er dette din første gang?"

Isaac stared at him awkwardly. He blinked very slowly, not knowing what to do. The young man rattled some more very fast Norwegian. Isaac's brain caught up with the rest of his body. He interrupted him as politely as he could:

"I'm really sorry, I don't speak Norwegian very well." He gave the man a lopsided grin.

"You're British!" The young man almost screamed. "I'm studying English. This is so exciting...I asked if it was your first time. Are you on holiday? Please can I buy you a drink?"

The young man was a little shorter than Isaac, with dark curly hair and dark eyes. His skin looked a little olive or Mediterranean. He had a few acne spots round his hairline and a smooth round face.

Isaac nodded at the offer of a drink and with that he put his hand on Isaac's hip and guided him to the bar, speaking the whole time. It turned out the man spoke just as much and just as quickly in English as he did in Norwegian.

He handed Isaac a shot, clinked his class and said, "Here's mud in your eye!" Then laughed at Isaac's questioning expression. "We had an exchange tutor who taught us lots of colloquial phrases so we would be prepared for our immersion year which starts in September. I can also say, 'it's raining cats and dogs', 'he's a few sandwiches short of a picnic' and my favourite...'you're the bees knees'!" He laughed. "I think you are the bees knees. What's your name?"

Isaac paused. "Isak." He said in his best Norwegian accent.

"Why do you have an Norwegian name if you don't speak it?"

Isaac shrugged. "It's who I am, that's all."

The young man introduced himself as Morten and Isaac, or rather Isak, talked with him, drank shots with him and eventually danced with him. It was fun. It wasn't a revelation and the earth didn't move, but he enjoyed Morten's company and it could be safely said that there were no awkward silences when Morten was around! A few of Morten's friends joined them and in a mixture of mostly English and some Norwegian, Isaac was able to chat and have a good time. As his first experience of a gay bar, it was a positive one.

As the night wore on, Isaac found himself getting steadily drunker. He usually stuck to beer, so the vodka shots were really beginning to take their toll. As they danced in a large group, he felt Morten press up behind him and start to dance more intimately. He was a little shorter than Isak so his nose pressed into the base of his neck as they stared to gyrate and roll. He put his hands on Isaac's waist to help them move together. The music had a heavy bass, and Isaac found himself lost in it. He started to let happen whatever was going to happen, responding to touch with his instinct and senses, not his brain. He made no decisions, he just acted.

As one song ended and another picked up the pace he turned to Morten and shouted in his ear,

"I'm sorry I need to go and spend a penny."

Morten looked at him blankly, he shouted back, "You want to buy something?"

Isaac giggled, "No. A new phrase for you...I need to pee!" He wandered off to the bathroom.

Issac had been in his fair share of clubs, albeit a few years ago. Nothing...nothing had prepared him for going to the toilet in a gay bar. There were couples everywhere...well mostly couples. Men were kissing, grinding, hands roving and mouths working. Some were clearly on their knees. It was mostly shocking to Isaac in his innocence, but also a little arousing. People giving in to their desire, not holding back, not being judged, just enjoying being physical with someone else. Just living.

Issac went into a cubicle to pee, not sure of the rules but felt it better to be safe than sorry. When he opened the door, Morten was standing right in front of him with a grin on his face.

"Oh...you really did have to pee? I thought..."

Isaac's took one look at this young, handsome, intelligent and fun man and nodded slowly. 

"That doesn't mean I don't want to do anything else." 

He walked forward into Morten's personal space, leaned down a little and waited. Morten looked up at him, his face suddenly becoming more serious, his eyes darker and more aroused. He grabbed Isaac's hand and pulled him downstairs and out of the door of the club. He dragged him round the corner, pushed him against the wall and began kissing him, enthusiastically, passionately, and perhaps a little dirty. Their lips, tongue and teeth all getting involved very quickly and Isaac found that he was having trouble breathing. He was at a gay bar. He was kissing a man and it was hot.

They made out for what seemed like a long time to Isaac. Was it minutes or hours?Jess hadn't really liked kissing him, or maybe it was the other way round. Eventually Isaac had to come up for air as he was starting to be lightheaded from lack of oxygen. He pulled back and smiled at Morten.

"That was amazing." Morten grinned.

"Really?" Isaac questioned. "That's good to know. I only came out yesterday and you're actually my first male snog. I'm glad I was ok!"

"Wow." Morten's eyes went wide "I'm honoured and I find that hard to believe. Thank you for choosing Morten training courses for new gays." He giggled. "You're better than ok, Isak, you're amazing. Can we continue this further?" He dragged his finger down Isaac's side.

Isaac paused. "To be honest, Morten, I'm not quite ready for much more than this. I"m sorry, I don't mean to lead you on but this is all pretty new to me."

Morten just nodded. "Consent is everything, Isak. Can I walk you back to you hotel?"

It hadn't really gotten dark, but the sun was starting to rise as they arrived back. It was very late, or rather, very early.

The kiss goodbye outside the hotel's glass front was less phrenetic, but just as enthusiastic. Morten let his hands slide to Isaac's bottom and gently stroked it. Isaac tangled his hands in Morten's dark curls and pulled a little. They lost their balance and ended up with Isaac leaning his arse against the window. Eventually they separated. Morten pecked Isaac a final kiss on the lips.

"Well, you've got my number if you want to meet again." And with that he walked away with the confidence and energy of youth. 

Isaac smiled to himself. Happy, horny and totally knackered. He pushed through the rotating door and turned round to head to the lift. And there behind reception and making direct eye contact with him, including one delicately raised eyebrow, was Even.


	7. Touring

Against Isaac's better judgement, he walked over to the front desk after he had caught Even's eye.

Whenever Jess had caught him doing something he shouldn't have, there was always a conversation about it, in which Isaac was encouraged to admit his errors and change. Like when Jess had found that instead of going to the Body Pump gym class for 10 weeks he had been sitting in the Starbucks next door drinking a latte and reading the newspaper. If it hadn't been for that stupid friend of hers, Emily...Emma...Maya or whatever, telling on him she would never have known. Isaac loved exercising, particularly jogging, but he hated taking classes with others. And a relaxed coffee on a Thursday after a hard week at work was better therapy than any class could be. However after their 'discussion' he had was forced to admit out loud to Jess that she was right and a nearly forty-year-old couldn't afford to take extra calories in the evening and a cardio class every week was necessary for him to keep his figure. It made him feel like a child.

As he stood in front of Even at the reception desk he was expecting a similar type of conversation. The 'I'm not angry, just disappointed kind."

"I came in two hours early to help out this morning so I'm allowed to take a break and finish early. I could catch a coffee with you now. Do you want to?"

Isaac nodded but asked for tea instead, and then followed Even to the seating area where he plumped himself down at a table. Even arrived with two black teas, milk and sugar. Very British. Isaac braced himself for the start of a 'conversation'.

"He looked HOT!" Even exclaimed with a wide grin on his face, his thumb pointing towards the glass window. "And young!" He wiggled his eyebrows. "Looks like someone made an impression on their first night out in Oslo being 'out'!"

Isaac stared at him open mouthed. He started his response maybe four or five times, "I...erm, He was..erm, I only...eh...it's not what it seems."

"It seemed like you got a rather sexy good night (or rather morning) kiss from a fine looking young man. Is that not what happened?"

Isaac didn't know what to say, and the silence stretched, "You're not angry?"

Even shook his head looking perplexed. "Why would I be angry Isak?"

"I thought after that first night when you...you...eh you kissed me goodnight that maybe I shouldn't have."

"Isak you are on holiday alone after a tough divorce. You suffer from panic attacks. You have JUST come out and on your first night you take the bull by the horns and score a hottie. I'm not angry. I'm fucking delighted for you. How was it?"

It took Isaac a few minutes to catch up with tone of the conversation, but once he did, he opened up to Even about everything. The conversation with the old lady, and the itch that he had to scratch. His feelings and expectations going into the bar; How terrified and excited he'd been at the same time. Meeting Morten and his friends and then dancing and drinking and kissing and having fun. He told Even everything. How surprised he was to like the scrape of stubble on his neck, and the smell of maleness that the young man had exuded. The 'orgy' in the bathroom at the club and how it had kind of turned him on. His bravery at leaving with Morten. He was honest that although he had enjoyed the kissing, he didn't think he would call him again. It felt like a one night only thing. 

Even drained his cup and ruffled Isaac's hair. "Go and get some sleep and I'll wake you with an alarm call before that last serving of breakfast at 10:00. Romeo needs his beauty sleep!"

As Isaac plodded to the lift he smiled to himself. He was so lucky to have found Even. He was a good friend already. Why then, as well as feeling relieved, did he feel a little disappointed? He thought about it and wasn't sure. Maybe he could work it out later.

\-------

After a substantial breakfast, including two croissants that he rolled in a napkin and hid in his bag for later, Isaac went to talk to Even at the desk.

"So Isak, what are your plans for today?"

"I have the second day of my Big Bus tour ticket. I was going to use it to travel round some of the places on my list." He paused. "Erm...when do you finish Even?"

"I'm off at 12:00 because I started at 04:00."

"Would you like to join me?" Isaac asked with the confidence of a newly out gay man who snogged a guy half his age last night, AND got his number...well probably his number. He hadn't phoned to check it and to be honest, didn't think he would.

Even smiled warmly. "I'd love to join you Isak. Can I meet you here at 12:00?"

Isaac nodded and shuffled off to his room to get ready for another day sightseeing. He had a feeling that this one might go a little differently.

The day was brilliant. As usual among locals, Even had never done the bus tour or any of the really touristy things. Isaac went all out. He wanted to squeeze in as much as he could...so he did. Summertime in Norway seemed to give you more than twenty four hours in a day, and Isaac made the most of every minute. Even followed, letting Isaac take the lead according to the itinerary he had planned when still at home. And through it all, they talked constantly. Isaac told Even more of his history, likes and dislikes, passions and hopes. Even spoke passionately about his love of art in all its forms: painting again, but also music, sculpture, dance, and cinema. When eventually they sat down at 20:00 at the waterfront with a cold soft drink and lots of food from one of the carts, both men were exhausted.

"My poor feet, Isak, I can't believe you kept me moving for so long." Even pulled off his shoes and socks and rubbed his long toes which looked like fingers. Isaac looked at them. He cracked the joints. Isaac winced at the noise.

"I'm sorry about your poor feet Even...but not really. I can't believe how quickly time is passing and I need to squeeze in everything I possibly can. You have an amazing city. Everything about it is so attractive to me. I mean I love the touristy bits, the history and the culture..the fortress and learning about the resistance was amazing. But I also love the way the city just IS. It's atmosphere and feeling. I think it comes from the language and the politeness yet reserve of its citizens. I can't help feeling that once you give your heart to Oslo, you could really belong here!"

Even looked carefully at Isaac. "Reserve? You've been in Oslo three days and made two new friends - or one new friend and one make out buddy. I would say we Norwegians are pretty open."

Isaac looked carefully at Even, measuring his words and not wanting to speak out of turn. 

"You're right. But also you're wrong." He looked at Even who raised his eyebrows and smiled in surprise.

"Oh, I am, am I?" He chuckled.

Isaac felt relieved, Even wasn't offended. "Yeah!" He said defiantly.

"Would you care to explain just what you mean by that statement?"

"Over the past few days, I have verbally shared my life with you. Held nothing back. You are an amazing listener and you seem to draw the truth out of me. I love talking to you. Maybe it's because I'm a terrible listener, but I don't think so...I've had plenty practice," He raised his own eyebrows here, "but although you've told me so much about yourself in some ways, you've not shared anything personal. Relationships. Mistakes. Failures or wrong turns. I know you love your job but it wasn't your first choice...something happened. But I don't know what. You don't have to tell me, I'm not pushing for that. I'm just saying that you are proof that Norwegians are a slow burn in the getting to know stakes, and I'm enjoying fanning the flame."

Isaac stopped. That was a lot of words and he wasn't used to it. How did Even make him talk so much?

Even went silent.

The silence continued.

"Thank you for a lovely day, Isak, but I was up very early this morning and I'm on the early shift again tomorrow, so I had better get my beauty sleep. I'll see you at breakfast." 

And with that Even stood up and walked away from Isaac. Leaving him alone and shocked. Shit! What had he said? What could make Even leave...so obviously upset and uncomfortable. Great work Isaac! Way to offend the best thing you've found in Oslo so far. Idiot!


	8. Reflecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wee interlude from Even's POV

Even smiled and waved in what he hoped was a friendly way to Isak over breakfast. He had been super busy all morning with guests checking out at the reception, and a massive party of American teenagers all needing to buy Oslo Passes. He knew he could have made more of an effort to at least speak to him but he had no idea what to say. He was ashamed at his behaviour last night. He had just got so flustered by Isak's thoughtfully perceptive analysis of his character, the he had ran. Just ran away! Like a great big coward. And why? Because he WAS a great big coward! A great big, forty something, giraffe looking coward who would die alone.

He could see that Isak was confused and maybe hurt but he was at a loss as to what to do. Even knew he was good at flirting and getting people to like him, but beyond that he had always been a little lost. He didn't really know what to do next, how to move from that initial flirtation into something more long lasting. Apart from the obvious exception, all of his relationships had been pretty shallow.

As the rush subsided and Even had a chance to catch his breath, he saw Isak exiting the lift, backpack full, ready for his day sightseeing. God he still looked good. On that first night, what...just three or so days ago, when he had first walked into the bar area, Even had been captivated. 

Isak looked beautiful. 

He was tall, but unlike himself, he was also broad and strong, not lanky and underdeveloped. He had a strong face as well: defined cheeks, angled jaw with a subtle cleft and a smooth, clear forehead. His lips were delicately shaped and pink. His eyes were a shade of green that Even had never seen before. He had to be careful not to stare, but they seemed to change colour with Isak's environment or mood - sometimes a clear green, like when they had danced, or almost hazel or khaki, like when they had sat and talked and explored in the bar that night. Sometimes they even faded to grey, as they had done when Even ran. 

That first night, Isak had looked around the hotel lobby and bar, and Even had recognised the uncertainty and anxiety in his eyes. He couldn't tear himself away, wanting to talk to him and get to know him better. The suggestion of taking him out for the night had been pretty spontaneous, even for himself, but the pleasure and little skip his insides made when Isak said 'Yes' had buoyed him up for the rest of the night.

Isak was enchanting on that first night.

He was shy, or at least reluctant to give away too much of himself at first. There were regular silences which Even had left alone, allowing Isak time. He thought the bar was his best chance to show Isak the best Even he could and he had used all his flirting skills! Isak's honesty in sharing with Even his divorce and mental health problems, as well as the brand new revelation about his sexuality had touched Even deeply. He was honoured by Isak's willing vulnerability. So he had packed away his flirtation equipment and had simple let himself be Isak's friend for the rest of the night. And it had been a joy. He had slipped a little with the chaste but overwhelminly good lip touch at Isak's hotel room door, but it was worth it. He felt a connection and he wanted to nurture it. Obviously, he couldn't meet Isak on the Monday, but sightseeing with him yesterday had been one of his best days ever in Oslo - until the fear took over! And now...here was Isak standing in front of him, and Even had no idea what to do!

"Busy day planned?" Even asked, going for that heady mix of casual, professional and friendly, all at the same time. In his head he just sounded stupid.

"Yeah. Frognerbadet for the full day...less walking and more relaxing." Isak seemed calm and not at all bothered about last night's fiasco, "see you later Even." And with that he was gone.

"Have a good day, Isak." Even called after Isak's retreating backpack.

Isak. Isak. Isak. Isak. He whispered to himself as Isak left his sight.

He was going to have to do something about this. 'Ok, Even, you massive idiot', he thought to himself. 'You've made a mess of this. How do you fix it?' Even knew it was time to go big or go home. 

He was going to try the truth.


	9. Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says, Isaac goes for a swim.

Isaac loved the pool at Frogner. It was set in a beautiful park and exuded an air of practical 1950s simplicity that agreed with his sense of aesthetics. It was all straight lines, blue water and happy people. A delight to all of Isak's senses. He had selected a spot on the terrace that allowed him to go in and out of the water as he liked, drying off naturally in between swims.

Isaac's swimming stroke was utilitarian but effective. It would win no prizes for beauty but his front crawl was efficient enough to let him swim steadily without struggling for breath. He completed his first set of thirty lengths, which took him some time in the 50m pool. Swimming, like running, was a solitary sport, always preferable to Isaac! As he lay and dried off in the sun, seeming somehow more golden within these surrounds, he took out his novel. Perhaps he had spoken to enough new people on his holiday so far, time to be alone again.

The novel he brought was useless to him today, the words meaningless, and it was too bright to scroll through his phone. So instead Isaac decided to put on his sunglasses and indulge in a little people watching - of the non stalkery, human interest only variety. 

As he looked around the busy pool, the bodies were mostly white, with a few Asian and darker skin tones dotted around. He knew that Norway, Oslo in particular was becoming more diverse, but it wasn't obvious from the evidence here. He wasn't really sure why. There seemed to be a lot of families, but also older people, on their own or with others. He didn't have the imagination to assign them stories, so he just lazily gazed at them, nosily watching their interactions and fun. He let his mind wander more to the male bodies...what did he like? What was pleasing to his eye?

There were a few butch types, muscles and strong. He could easily appreciate the beauty of their well built physiques, but it didn't provoke any reaction within himself. A particularly hairy man was sunbathing close to him. His skin was dark as was his hair. Isaac didn't think that was his type. He bravely let himself look at some younger men sitting on the edge with their legs in the water. They were more Morten's age, he supposed. He liked the slender, litheness of their frames but felt a little intimidated by their youth. And he didn't want to be creepy! For parity's sake, he glanced at the women as well. Some were in revealing swimsuits and well made up. They probably weren't here to swim, he thought to himself. Others were sporty and there for the exercise, others trying to cover up a bit more. He could appreciate their beauty on many levels, but for the first time ever he allowed himself to acknowledge the difference between appreciation and attraction. They didn't turn him on. At all.

At the far end of the pool, near the entrance, a man caught his eye. He was very attractive, and Isaac's stomach gave a little flutter. He was strikingly pale, as if his body rarely had the opportunity to be exposed to the sun. He was tall, almost lanky, wearing large yellow shorts that sat on his hip bones, and walking down the side of the pool carrying his bag with a grace and elegance that made Isaac sit up. He looked more closely. As the man covered the distance, Isaac's brain caught up with his libido...it was Even!

"Hi Isak." Even said with chummy familiarity, looking down with the sun behind him. It made him look like he had a halo.

Isaac swallowed, "What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice breaking a little as he made a poor job of hiding his incredulity and nerves. 'Please don't panic, not now, please don't...breath...just breath', he thought to himself. He got himself ready to begin counting.

Even looked like he was about to speak and then Isaac saw his face fall, and his shoulders slump forward. He opened his mouth but no sound came out.

"I'm going for a swim." Isaac announced, and walked towards the pool. He didn't know how to cope with this so he left. He didn't look back to see what Even was doing.

He swam too fast. After ten lengths his lungs were burning and he was starting to feel dizzy. He knew he was going to have to get out of the pool and recover. He stopped at the edge, holding on and breathing heavily. He took the opportunity to sneak a look through his goggles, back at his spot. What was Even doing? As far as he could tell...nothing. Just sitting there, arms wrapped around his folded legs, in his sunglasses, looking at Isaac. He seemed small. That surprised Isaac. How could Even, with all his confidence and charm look small? He pulled himself out of the pool and walked very slowly back to his bag and Even, trying to catch his breath.

As he dried his face and rubbed his hair with his towel, he didn't look at Even at all. Then he looked directly at him, with all the courage he could muster, and asked again.

"What are you doing here Even?"

Even was staring at Isaac over the top of his sunglasses with wide eyes. His gaze was directed at Isaac's hair, "Shit, Isak, your hair!"

Isaac's hand went unconsciously to his head, as he ran his fingers through it and tried to pat it down, "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing. Nothing. Nothing, there is nothing wrong with it." Even whispered, "It is beautiful. It's wild and golden and beautiful. You are beautiful." He continued to look.

A familiar but slightly uncomfortable silence descended.

"Even...what's going on?" Isaac blurted out, "You ran away yesterday and I don't know what I've done wrong."

Even shook his head slowly and spoke at the same time, "You've done nothing wrong. You did everything right. You saw me...you saw me and when you explained it, I was suddenly overwhelmed. I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry I ran away. Erm...Isak, I'd like to tell you the truth. In the same way that you opened up to me, I'd like you to know the truth."

"Here?"

Even shrugged.

"Give me a minute to get dried and dressed, and we'll go out into the park. Find a bench or something."

Even stood looking strange, his arms hanging loosely at his sides, his face pale, unblinking eyes. Isak quickly shoved everything into his rucksack, slid on his shoes and started walking towards the exit. Even followed him.

"Is this ok?" Isaac indicated with his hand. Even nodded wordlessly.

Isaac sat down and Even joined him, enough space between them for another person to fit. Even glanced at the gap.

"Isak." A sigh. "I'm bipolar, I was married and I have a son." He stopped talking and let the silence descend.

Isaac looked at him, it was a lot but he didn't want to interrupt Even's bravery, "Go on..." he prompted.

"My son is called...he's called Isak."

He stopped again and Isaac just looked at him.

"It means laughter and we hoped so hard that he would have a life filled with it."

"Do you want to continue?" Isaac asked. Even nodded and swallowed thickly.

"I had always been an irrational child. In my late teens I had a severe depression and attempted suicide. It was a poor attempt...just taking pills that wouldn't actually have killed me, but it was enough to get everyone involved. I was diagnosed with Bipolar condition, which I am medicated for as well as regular therapy and other medical and social interventions. It is not an easy thing but I have lived with it for a long time now. The hotel is very supportive and work round any episodes. It's part of why I work there. Bipolar is part of me but not all of me." He looked at Isaac.

"My mum has depression, I know a little but obviously it's not the same." He wanted to show that he understood the seriousness of a mental health condition, but he didn't want to be patronising.

Even continued. "Sonja had been my high school girlfriend; we met again in our early twenties after diagnosis and therapy had me on a somewhat more level path. We never planned on getting married or having children, but Sonja fell pregnant on the night of her 30th birthday party! She asked me to marry her and it seemed like my best hope for happiness. When Isak came along I couldn't believe how I felt about him...another human being that relied totally on me for everything. I loved it although it is the hardest thing I have ever done. We were married, Sonja and I, for five years until she met someone she loved more." He sighed.

"Isak lives with Sonja and Erik, her new husband. We get on well, and co-parent as best we can. But Mondays, during the school holidays, are my days with Isak and I treasure them. He's a lovely boy, although getting pretty grumpy as he moves towards thirteen!" Even looked at him. "That's why I don't work on a Monday and am not free."

Isaac smiled, "He's called Isak? And it means laughter? I never knew that!" He laughed.

"See!" Even let out a very small breathy chortle. Even's tiny laugh lit Isaac's heart.

"You were so honest with me, so quickly, Isak, that I didn't know how to meet you half way with all of this." Silence again. "What do you think?"

Isaac smiled, "I think..what do I think?" He closed the gap between them on the bench. Until their thighs touched. "I think I am honoured that you have shared the truth of your life with me. I think I would like to meet your son, one day, when you are ready. And I also think that I would like to hear you call me Isak some more." It was the truth. He wanted to hear his name come from those beautiful lips: whispering his name in private, speaking his name in confidence or moaning his name...in passion. He wanted it all.

Even beamed, his mouth showing all his teeth, even his pointy canines and his eyes disappearing into two little creases. "You still want to know me?"

"I still want to know you." He picked up Even's hand and held it in his, interlacing their fingers, his smile widening. "I would like to keep getting to know you for as long as possible." He meant it, every word.

Even rubbed his thumb on the little dimples that were forming at the side of Isaac's mouth. He looked into his eyes, blue on green, bright emerald green today, and then let his eyes flit around Isaac's face, coming to rest on his lips.

"May I kiss you, Isak?" He asked, so so quietly.

Isaac nodded.

Both men kept their eyes open, looking at the other as they came nearer. At the last second Even's eyes fluttered shut so Isaac let his too. The kiss was perfect. Not because they did anything particularly amazing or had great technique. No cheesy background music played, no choirs sang, no sunbeam broke through the clouds. It was perfect because it was Even, and it was Isaac and it was real. It was their truth, and it burned into Isaac's soul. This felt like coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even's bipolar is such an important part of him, that I feel it must be there, in every universe, or it's not Even. But I wanted his secret to be a little more. Did you spot the hints? It's the first time I've tried to leave a few breadcrumbs...


	10. Stroking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's hear first from Isaac, then Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that change in age rating.

Isaac looked across the packed tram at Even. Even's right knee was bouncing...jiggling up and down. Their eyes met and Isaac could swear that a spark crackled. He wanted to reach out and touch and stroke but he supposed that eye contact would have to be enough for now. This tram was taking forever!

"This is me," Even said, pointing at a large wooden blue door. "After you, Isak."

Isaac brushed past him, their shoulders and arms touching briefly. Even led Isaac very slowly up one flight of stairs and with glacial speed, at least it felt like that to Isaac, unlocked his door, opened it and ushered Isaac inside. 

Even closed the door behind himself and the two men stood in Even's hallway and stared at each other. The last 30 minutes since they left Frogner Park, seemed to go so slowly, but now as he stood face to face with Even, it seemed to have gone rather quickly. Isaac all of a sudden felt very uncertain. 'O God, Isaac', he thought, 'Please don't have a panic attack.'

Isaac's uncertainty must have shown on his face, because Even started speaking: 

"I...erm...I mean Isak, we don't have to do anything."

Silence and staring. Isaac didn't know what to say.

"Would you like a drink or anything. Coffee? Tea with milk and sugar? Maybe a cold drink after all that swimming?"

More silence and staring. Isaac didn't know what to do.

"I've not brought you here to seduce you. I'm sorry. I don't mean to pressure you. This was obviously a mistake, I'll take you back to the hotel."

Isaac took a deep breath and made a decision. He stepped forward until he was close, so close to Even. Their toes were touching and he could feel the breath from Even's nostrils on his top lip. He could smell Even's scent, a mixture of sweat, the outside air and the faint lingering smell of a light floral cologne. His eyes were roaming all over Even's face. Both of their breathing was starting to be heavy and rather thick. Isaac leaned forward and rested his forehead against Even's. 

"That would be a shame, Even." Isaac spoke low and quiet. He suddenly felt very certain indeed. "I think I would like to try some gay sex now. With you, please."

Even growled at the back of his throat.

He lifted Isaac's chin with his finger tips and kissed him gently, lightly. Isaac pushed back against Even until the kiss became more heated. Even's back met the wall. He pressed harder, chest meeting chest with force and passion. Even let his tongue gently touch Isaac's bottom lip, and Isaac opened up for him, their tongues sliding together, moving and dancing, causing the heat of Isaac's body to rise. He could feel his face flushing, his fingers tingling. He moved his hands onto Even's waist, finding skin that once again felt like an electric shock. Both of Even's hands were carding through Isaac's hair, making it even fluffier.

Even kissed Isaac's lips and pulled back, breathing erratically.

"Should we talk about this first, Isak?"

Isaac caught Even's t-shirt by the hem and pulled it awkwardly up over Even's head, getting it stuck on his nose. "No Even, I don't think so."

But Even stopped him with a gentle hand on his chest. "No, Isak, we must." Isaac looked at the bare chested Even and groaned. 

"Well, you'd better put your t-shirt back on if I'm going to pay attention to anything else!"

Even smiled and pulled his shirt back on. He took Isaac by the hand and led him through to the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Isaac down beside him.

"Isak. I don't think we should have full sex today. I would like to make you feel good but it's a big step...anal sex...and actually takes a bit of preparation if it's going to be a good experience for everyone. I'm just assuming from what you have said that you have never had sex with a man before?"

Isaac shook his head. Eyes wide.

"So is this ok with you? Waiting?"

Isaac nodded. Eyes still wide.

"O God!" Even wailed, "I've wrecked the mood, haven't I? I just feel such a responsibility to get this right. You mean so much to me already, Isak, and I don't want to mess this...mess you up."

Isaac was so touched by Even's concern and care. He shook his head and slowly let a wicked grin take over his face. He pushed Even down onto the bed and straddled his legs over his hips. He leaned over and kissed the tip of his nose, 

"Is this allowed, Even?" 

Even nodded.

He pulled Evens shirt off again and slowly licked each of his nipples in turn, taking his time and paying them some attention.

"Is this allowed?" 

Even sighed.

He took both of Even's hands and pinned them up over his head and kissed him sloppily, with plenty of tongue and a little bit of nibbling.

"Is this allowed?" 

Even moaned Isaac's name. "Isak..."

'Ah', Isaac thought, 'that's more like it.'

With surprising strength, and a rather fine technique, Even flipped them both over until Isaac was at his mercy, and Isaac loved it. They kissed for days. Even slid off and lay at Isaac's side and they both began to let their hands explore each other's bodies. They took their time removing each other's remaining clothes. Isaac was spellbound by Even's beautiful calf muscles, ankle bones and long slender feet and feathered them with licks and kisses. Even caressed and dragged his lips over Isaac's shoulders and collarbones. Isaac felt cherished.

Isaac had never had foreplay like this...a genuine desire to explore all the nooks and crannies of another person. A fascination with all the parts that makes them 'them'. He more usually just headed for 'Ground Zero'. It turns out that ears, necks, fingertips, toes, elbows and knees are all erogenous zones when you are with the right person. They both knew that their bodies were past their prime, no longer as tight or smooth as they once were, but none of that mattered. The honesty in their conversation, now became honesty in their lovemaking.

And then when Even touched him, took his dick in his hand and began slowly stroking, Isaac saw stars and felt like he had never been touched before. Even pulled away suddenly, leaving Isaac feeling bereft, but he was back just as quickly with what turned out to be a bottle of lubricant.

Even looked into Isaac's eyes, "Have you used this before?...it's the gay man's best friend." He smiled. 

He warmed some in his palm and gently rubbed it onto Isaac's now rock hard erection. Isaac groaned. It was clear that Even knew what he was doing. He worked Isaac carefully, listening out for every moan and sigh. When Isaac obviously enjoyed something, Even did it more, with greater care. Isaac reached out to take Even in his own hand. Even squeezed some lubricant for him. It was the first time that he had touched a dick that wasn't his own. Even overlaid Isaac's hand with his own fingers, and showed Isaac what he liked. Isaac was entranced that he was able to draw out such sounds from another person. Eventually, Even lay back, his arms spread wide and let Isaac work him. Isaac didn't know where to look. He was amazed by Even's dick and how it responded to his touch, but the look on Even's face...! That was special. 

They lay on the bed, facing each other, and started to work together...slowly, so slowly giving each other the love and tenderness they never knew they could. 

"Say my name?" Isaac whispered in Even's ear. "Please, say my name."

Over the next half hour, Even never stopped saying Isaac's name. And Isaac never tired of hearing it.

\------

Even lay on his side and looked at the man next to him. His arm rested on Isak's hip. Isak was looking back at him, hands tucked under his ear. His hair was a glorious riot, his skin pink and blotchy from being touched and his lips, swollen and red from overuse. Even was trying to think of a word to describe him: an angel (too clichéd), a god (too grandiose), a tiger (what?). Then he had it...he was his lover. A 'lover', that's what Isak was. He had just been given and taken in love. 

And Even was gone. He was gone for his Isak. 

All they had done was basically give each other two slow and thoughtful handjobs with plenty of foreplay. And yet Even had never had sex like it. It was intimate. It was caring. It was exciting and intriguing. He loved predicting how Isak's body was going to respond to his touch. He loved how his skin bobbled into little goosebumps when he licked his inner thigh. He adored the little dip in the middle of his top lip that quivered when he was aroused. He particularly liked the way he giggled when Even kissed his neck. Making love with Isak had been a revelation because he loved him. He knew it as clearly as he knew anything. He wasn't a moron, he knew it was way too early to say it, but he cradled the knowledge in his mind and nurtured the feeling in his heart.

He had found him, and he wasn't sure that he could ever let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gulp...Love Scene. Hope it worked.


	11. Cuddling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was meant to be about the boys cuddling. My notes were "a soft interlude". They had a different idea.

Isak, for that was his name now, was exhausted.

He was called Isak because there is no way someone could have said 'Isak' so many times and in so many different ways and it not be his name. Forty years of 'Isaac' were gone. Isak he was last night. Isak he is now. And forevermore.

Amen.

He couldn't believe that one man calling him Isak would have such an effect on him. After their 'first time' (air quotes) yesterday afternoon, Isak and Even had spent the rest of the evening, night and morning 'in bed' (air quotes). Isak giggled to himself. It hadn't actually just been the bed. They had actually been intimate in the bed, in the shower, on the sofa and on/against the kitchen counter. Even turned him on more than he thought possible. He murmured, "mmm Isak" and Isak was gone. 

Even had woken him up this morning whispering his name in his ear. He repeated it as he kissed down his body. He was hard by the time Even had arrived at his destination. Even had then blown him until he moaned, panted and screamed Even's name in response. He came in Even's hair and they had laughed for ages. Then Isak had washed Even's hair, it took three washes to make sure his hair was clean, and returned the favour on his knees in the shower cubicle. He blew a guy and he liked it (not a Katy Perry song, but true none the less!) Isak knew he was giddy, but he didn't care.

And now he was starving.

"What are we doing for breakfast, Even. I could eat a horse!"

"I assume, that is some kind of colloquial phrase meaning you are hungry and not what you really want to eat!" He kissed Isak on the lips and caressed his jaw. "Because that sounds horrible."

"Really?!" Isak giggled. "I don't think a Norwegian should play the game of who has the most disgusting cuisine. Not unless you intend to win! I mean Lutefisk...and Smalahove."

Even laughed back. "I have never eaten lutefisk, and I certainly wouldn't want to try sheep brain or eyeball jelly!"

"So breakfast...I'm starving. Where's best?"

In the end, Even took Isak to his favourite coffee shop and Isak treated himself to three courses, plus a large pot of English Breakfast tea.

"You do of course realise that I have a perfectly good free breakfast waiting for me back at the hotel."

"I know, but I want you to eat up and get your energy back so we can go back to mine and continue where we left off."

Isak giggled again. He was certainly living up to his name. "But today is Thursday and my itinerary has planned in the Viking museum and the National Gallery. And don't you have work?"

Even looked decidedly sheepish. "Actually, I have taken holidays until next Monday, so I don't need to go anywhere."

"You took...when...how...really?"

"Yeah. Before I came to get you at the pool. I want to spend as much time as I can with you. How do you feel about that?"

"How do I feel about that? I feel amazing about that. Thank you. Thank you so much." 

He leaned to kiss Even across the table. Suddenly he paused. He looked around. Even noticed the hesitation and smiled. But Isak took a deep breath and leaned across the remaining distance and kissed him firmly on the lips. "Thank you." He whispered.

Isak won out and they spent the rest of the day at the Viking Museum and National Gallery. Even...of course, had visited the National Gallery many times, especially the classical and neoclassical rooms, but he had never been at the Viking museum. Both men loved it. It delighted their inner child and also gave them an opportunity to lean in and whisper in each other's ear. Sometimes about the display and sometimes about what they were going to do later.

They bought groceries to cook dinner, Isak offering to make his famous 'spaghetti bolognaise' but Even winning out with his vegetable stew and Norwegian potato dumplings. It was delicious.

And then they were back in bed. 

Isak was struggling to believe that he ever thought he was straight. He was going to have to call Jess and apologise. He must have made her miserable. Everything about Even just felt so right. His shape was right. His smell was right, and God, his dick was so, so right.

Isak loved Even's dick. At this very moment he was lying with his head in Even's lap having a conversation with his dick. It went something like this.

"...so I thought I liked girls. They don't have anything at all that looks like you. It turns out that you are what I really want. I need to say thank you for all that you have shown me over the past 24 hours. You have been an excellent role model to my own dick who has been inspired by your example. I just wanted to let you know personally how much I appreciate all that you are and I hope this will be he start of a beautiful friendship." He kissed Even's dick, pausing to take in a deep sniffing breath. "And I love how you smell."

Even stroked Isak's hair, "you're quite weird, you know that!"

"I was perfectly normal til I came to this crazy city, so I blame you."

He slid up until his head was cradled between Even's shoulder and neck, Even's hand rubbing circles on his back.

"I don't like that word much." Even sighed

Isak felt his stomach drop, "oh."

"...crazy..."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. It's just bipolar can be a bitch of a condition. It makes you not trust your own feelings. For example...you. Am I really feeling all these things for you or is it irrational and maybe the start of an episode?"

"And what's the answer?" Isak swallowed.

"It feels real. I go through this checklist in my head and it all seems to be right, but this is so fast and so unusual that I have to be careful. I can't trust my emotions without a double or triple check. And I'll have to talk about this...about you at therapy just to make sure."

Isak let the silence stretch as Even rubbed his back. He reached over for his hand and laced their fingers together on top of Even's tummy.

"I trust you, Even. More than I think I have ever trusted anyone." Isak's words were his truth and he let Even have them, "I have never felt this way about anyone before. Never."

Even sighed, "Neither have I."

They started kissing and Isak could feel himself becoming aroused, in every part of his being. His body wanted this man, his dick made that clear. But his heart wanted him too, to make it feel full and satisfied. His mind wanted Even, no conversation with another person had ever meant so much to him. He had lost the pit of dread that always sat in his stomach as he waited to be told that he was wrong, or mistaken or just bad.

Isak pulled back. "Even, I did the things that you said I should do to make myself ready for you. I'd like to be as close to you as I can now."

Even looked carefully at him. His eyes looked dark but were flickering over his face searching for something.

"Say it, Isak." He whispered.

"I want you to make love to me Even. To take your time and show me all the things you said. And then I want you to...to...put..."

Even smiled at him, "put...?"

"Fuck me, Even."

Even did as Isak asked.

\------

It hadn't been as Isak thought it would. He didn't actually know what to expect. He had assumed he would be aroused and for it to be passionate, but the sensations had been so strange. At first, Even had used his lubricated finger on Isak, just gently rubbing round his balls and moving back until he was at his...what should he call it? Hole? At first the feeling was just unusual, but slowly as Even softened him, it became sexier. He lay on his back, hips raised by a pillow, Even making eye contact the whole time. When Even first pushed inside him, Isak nearly told him to stop. It felt so different, and a little dirty. But Even had known what he was doing and suddenly Isak saw stars.

"Holy fuck, Even, he panted. What was that?"

Even pressed again, "That?" He smirked

"O God, yes, that." Isak groaned.

"Say hello to Mr Prostate." Even announced with pride.

And from then on Isak had no coherent thoughts. He remembered Even doing with his fingers....whatever he had been doing...for some time more. He remembered Even opening the condom. He remembered feeling like he was bent double and exposed but not caring about it. He felt full to the brim, his insides telling him that this was new but very welcome.

And then he remembered the most unusual but powerful orgasm of his life. It felt like no other climax he had ever had. When he had come down enough to think again he opened his eyes and looked up at Even. Even was kneeling over him, out of breath, sweating, hair wild. Eyes glistening.

"Fucking hell, Isak." He panted. "I have never seen anyone let go like that. You were fucking amazing. Everything about you...I think it was made just for me. Your face showed everything, I couldn't stop looking at you. And you kept saying profanities, so, so sexy! And my god...you came untouched. I've never seen that before."

"Untouched?" Isak asked.

"Yeah, most guys need a bit of attention to their dick, but you just started coming, and I could watch it all. Your face was blissed out. You were amazing."

"I've never felt like that before. Please say we'll do it again. Although not too soon." Isak groaned a little as he moved into a more comfortable position, pulling the pillow out from under his back.

Even nodded. "You'll hurt a bit today, but not too much. We took our time."

Time. Isak thought. Time. Thursday was over. Tomorrow was Friday and his flight was on Saturday. Time, all of a sudden seemed to be the one thing that they didn't have. He looked at Even as he settled them both down. First a sleep, and then they were going to have to talk about this. In two day's time, Isak would be leaving.


	12. Hiking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reference here to the lovely fic: "Not an aberration, but rather a truth" from evakuality, hjertssunnegalskap (Crazyheart). Kai is their character.

It was 09:00 and Isak stood nervously beside Even as he knocked at the door of a typical house in a standard suburb of Oslo. It's wooden boards and delicate pastel colour screamed, or rather, politely stated, affluence and dependability. He was in territory unknown here, in all kinds of ways. Here he was, the gay partner?...boyfriend?... meeting an ex-wife and son. How the hell did this happen in less than a week on a solo holiday to Oslo? It took all of his strength to stave off a panic attack. He clung to Even's hand, squeezing harder than he was sure was comfortable, but Even said nothing.

A tall, delicately featured blonde women opened the door and gave them both a warm and friendly smile. She was obviously a similar age to Even, but was very different to what Isak was expecting. He had supposed she would be a traditional Oslo middle-aged, middle-class housewife, but she absolutely wasn't.

"Hi Even," she beamed. "And you must be Isak? I'm Sonja." She gave them both a kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry I can't stay but I'm just heading out to an emergency meeting about immigrants rights in Norway. Make yourself at home..." She smiled and turned behind her:

"ISAAAAK!!!!!" She yelled very loudly. "Din pappa er her!"

And with a wave of her hand she was in the car and gone.

A loud thundering sound came down the stairs, a bundle of denim and cotton tripped on the bottom step, lost control and propelled itself dramatically into Even's arms.

"Hei pappa." The bundle said, out of breath, "takk for å fangs Meg."

"Ikke noe problem, Isak."

The bundle pulled itself out of his father's arms and turned towards Isak with a huge grin on his face and spoke in English, "Hei Isak. I am very please to meet you. I'm Isak." He stuck his hand out and burst out laughing.

Isak shook his hand and looked across at Even who was grinning from ear to ear.

"It's very nice to meet you too."

As they wandered down the hall and sat at the kitchen table, Isak started to report everything that had happened to him since he last saw Even on Monday. They mostly spoke English, which Isak was very grateful for. He told him about how his holiday homework was progressing, an 'awesome' trip he had taken to one of the Islands with a friend's family and general chat about music and his life.

Isak took the opportunity to study Isak. The boy was charming and he was very obviously Even's son. He was beginning to grow tall in the lanky and uncoordinated way that teenagers do. His dirty blond hair flopped down over his eyes, but Isak could see the sparkle of blue, just like his dad.

Isak (Jr.) turned to Isak (Sr.):

"So, are you my dad's boyfriend? Isn't it strange that we have the same name. It means laughter. Do you laugh a lot? He's never wanted to introduce me to anyone before. He's pansexual you know. That means he can have boyfriends or girlfriends. I met one of his girlfriends once but that was by mistake and she smelled funny."

Isak was speechless. Where to begin?

Even laughed. "Isak, give him a minute. You've just asked him about a hundred questions!"

Isak looked sheepish, "Sorry Isak." He said.

"Would you like to come out and spend the morning with us, Isak? I know it's not Monday, but I've got an extra day off and mum says we could go out to the Nordmarka forest and perhaps walk? Do you want to?"

Isak thought about it for half a second and yelled "Yes! Let me go and change and get ready. You and Isak make a lunch and we can eat a picnic while we're out. Awesome!"

Even smiled and sang under his breath as he and Isak made a lunch using Sonja's food, wrapped it up and put it in Isak's backpack. Isak caught Even's eye. 

"He's just lovely, Even!"

"He is, isn't he!" Even smiled back. "I love him so much, although he drives me up the wall sometimes."

Isak appeared at the kitchen door, "Ready!" He exclaimed...and off they went. 

\------

The forest was gorgeous! It had been a really lovely morning, and a gentle way for the two Isaks to get to know each other. As they had walked, Isak had answered all of the questions thrown at him. He was very interested in the different lives people lived in the UK, did they have trams, why did they wear uniforms to school, had he met the queen? Isak senior listened carefully to all that young Isak told him in return. He was enthusiastic, well adjusted and kind. 

At one point the two Isaks had ended up walking together whilst Even lagged behind, taking photos with his phone. It might have been on purpose. The boy turned to Isak and asked him:

"So you've been dating my pappa since Sunday?"

"Honestly, although we first went out on Sunday night, it was more of a friend thing. We spent the day together on Tuesday and on Wednesday he told me about you and your mum and kissed me." He glanced to see if Isak was embarrassed but he didn't seem to mind. He just nodded wisely. "On Thursday we went to some museums and today I am meeting you."

"I think he must really like you, Isak. I've never met any one of his boyfriends or girlfriends before. So you must be important to him, because he says that I am the most important thing in the world to him." And he smiled a smile that came straight from Even.

"I really like your pappa too, Isak."

"When do you go home?"

"Tomorrow."

"Will you come back and visit him and maybe me?"

"I would like to, but Even and I, your pappa...we haven't really decided what to do yet."

"OK. Well it's usually just me and him on our days, but I would like if you were there too, like today. It's nice."

Isak was deeply touched by this boy's welcome and generosity.

"Thank you, Isak. I'll remember that."

It was past 14:00 by the time that the two men headed back to the hotel after dropping Isak off at home. Isak had hugged both Even and Isak goodbye, and seemed genuinely pleased to have met him. When he and his dad were making arrangements for Monday, Isak realised with a horrible jolt, that the next time father and son spent time together, he would be back at work in the UK!

Even and Isak walked round the centre of Oslo for a while, hand in hand, just enjoying the sights, the people and each other's company.

"He's a really lovely kid, Even. He has so much energy! I don't think I was ever like that!"

"I know, but it certainly keeps you young trying to keep up with him."

"Has he always known about your sexuality?"

Even nodded.

"I really admire you, you know. Your openness and confidence is something you should be very proud of."

"Oh Isak, I have too many other issues to worry about something like this. People can like me or not, accept me or not, but I won't hide who I am."

Isak smiled and leaned over to kiss him as they walked, "Then neither will I!"

"Do you wish it had worked out between you and Sonja...then you could see him all the time?"

"I used to, but ever since he was five, he has spent alternative weekends with me as well as every Tuesday and Wednesday. We always make the most of our time together, it makes me not take him for granted."

"That's Isak, what about Sonja?"

"I was heartbroken when she found Erik, but we have a very good relationship now and...well...if I was still with her I would never have met you. So..." He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.

Isak paused and looked at Even, "Do you think, if we stay together, that you'll miss women?"

Even smiled and gentle smile, but tinged with a possible sadness. "No. Being pansexual doesn't mean I'm unfaithful. Everyone is attracted to other people when your in a relationship but you just don't act on it. I'm no different whether they are male or female."

"I'm sorry if that was offensive."

Even smiled and kissed the back of Isak's hand.

"How did you know you were pan, and not bi?"

"It's not really that clear cut usually, but my first relationship was with a non-binary person called Kai. I was only sixteen, but Kai amazing. Creative and intelligent. They tried their best to live an authentic life and I found that very attractive. We only fooled around, a bit of kissing and touching, but I realised that it was Kai that I liked, whatever was under their clothes. I never did find out. They moved away before our relationship got that serious. However, it taught me that I didn't need to be restricted. Kai was really important to me. They still are, although I never saw them again. I'm grateful that they were a part of my life."

"Blimey! Isak declared. "That's an amazing experience to have had, Even! I have been wondering if I had come out to Jonas, would my life have been very different? If I had let myself see that my 'gayness' was more than just a phase..."

Even shrugged, "life makes us, and I like you who you are now." He kissed him tenderly.

They had reached the hotel and were heading up in the lift towards Isak's room.

"This is my last night..." Isak sighed. "I have to catch the train at 10:00 tomorrow." He pushed open his door and walked through.

Even sighed in return. "Should we talk?"

Isak knew that they had to but he had no idea what to say. Can we cuddle for a bit first and then head out to dinner. I've got a booking for 'Rorbua' that I made weeks ago. We could talk over food. It always makes it more pleasant.

Even lay on the bed and pulled Isak into his arms. They exchanged small, delicate kisses on the lips and round each other's face and neck. Their hands sought out each other and explored every finger, nail and knuckle. They pulled each other in tight, with gentle caresses, staying close.

The time was right...they both whispered in unison.

"Elsker deg, Isak."

"I love you, Even."


	13. Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short. I don't think I can do these two justice. They deserve better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you read 'Bookmark' by TheFilthWithin? It is a beautiful study of Even and this relationship. I would like to write like that.

He sat on the plane staring out of the window, looking without seeing. He was sure that his chest was hollow. It must be, for his heart was in Oslo, standing behind the reception desk of a mid price hotel, smiling at customers and continuing with its day. Even now possessed his heart. Even is his heart. And yet he felt heavy, like the empty cavity was now filled with cold, hard lead where once it had been flesh and blood, vibrant and alive - warmed and nurtured by love.

The previous evening had been one of the most bittersweet experiences of Isak's life. Sharing dinner with Even, listening to him talk and watching him listen in return was still an unexpected pleasure. Learning Even was a joy in every way. He ordered his food in reverse order, always aiming at the dessert. Isak loved that. Together they were so new, and yet to him they felt like they were older than the hills and fjords. Their edges were already starting to blur. He loved him and it felt like a fire. 

They promised phonecalls and messages, photos and updates. "Skype is an amazing invention" they both agreed. Distance was nothing in this modern world where people across the globe could be in touch at all times. Close without being close.

That night, neither of them slept. They made love three times. The first time was hot and frantic, clothes only half off and their climaxes bursting out of them, as if they had been split apart by the intensity of their lovemaking. The second time, Even had caressed and nurtured Isak, stroking his face and tangling his fingers in his curls. Even gently entering Isak from behind, showing him how love could be a tangible, physical thing. The third time, Isak had cried.

Isak and Even had said goodbye in the hotel. Even was back at work, on reception, and Isak couldn't bear a scene at the train station or airport anyway. A few more minutes, or even an hour would make no difference, he was still leaving. Leaving Oslo. Leaving Even. And very probably leaving himself. Even had taken him through to the luggage store room, closed the door and pushed him against the wall. He had kissed and stroked him until Isak could no longer feel the ache in his chest, kissed him until his DNA was rewritten, until Even was bruised into his lips.

And now he was alone. Again.

He walked through baggage claim in a daze. He texted Even to say that he had arrived safely but knew he wouldn't get a response until his shift was over. He got in a taxi and returned to his flat without taking in any of the journey. Even called that night and they they spoke quietly and carefully. Whispering expressions of love and trying to convey their feelings with words that could not cope with the task set for them.

He moved through his Sunday, unpacking, doing laundry, buying food and preparing for work, all with a feeling of detachment and dissociation. Even phoned again at night, and they fell asleep listening to each other's breathing.

At work on Monday someone called him 'Isaac' while he was testing a sample and he didn't respond until poked in the back. He thought of Even and Isak and their day together. Enjoying each other and having fun.

At work on Tuesday he began an online search. On Tuesday night he started taking notes and filling in applications, forms and documents. 

On Wednesday he called the Norwegian government offices in the UK and made an appointment. 

On Thursday he threw a sickie and met with a junior staff member at the Norwegian Consulate. 

On Friday he handed in his letter of resignation, giving the lab three weeks notice, and booked a flight for exactly three weeks from today.

Then he called Even.


	14. Staying

Even stood at the arrivals gate at the airport. He had seen so many romantic comedies, romantic tragedies and just straight out romantic movies over the years where arrivals was always the scene of some major action. The beloved would walk awkwardly through the gate and look around, trying to see the object of their affection. Their eyes would meet through the crowd and there would be running, jumping, twirling and hugging...and hopefully kissing. Even loved romantic movies...the cheesier the better.

It had been four weeks since Isak had left and taken Even's heart with him. Three weeks since 'the phonecall' that changed everything. Two weeks since Even added Isak's name to the lease on his apartment and just one week since Even went on a shopping trip with Isak junior.

Even turned to Isak. "Do I look ok? Maybe I should have dressed up a bit more? Do you think the flowers are too much, I just thought it would be nice to let him know that...I don't know...what does a bunch of flowers actually say? O God! I'm so stupid. There is no good reason for giving Isak flowers just now. He will have so much luggage and it's just something else to hold."

Isak looked at his father, "Pappa, you're rambling."

Even nodded, "Yes. Sorry. I can't believe I'm so nervous. I mean it's only Isak, but also, it's ISAK! He has given up everything to come back here and I just can't believe it..."

"Pappa?"

"Yes, I know. I'm rambling and you're only twelve, nearly thirteen, so why..."

"Pappa?"

"...would you understand what it feels like to be..."

"PAPPA!" Isak shouted.

"WHAT?" Even shouted back.

"Isak's standing behind you, waiting on you to notice him." Isak grinned.

Even spun on the spot and came face to face, eye to eye and nose to nose with Isak.

"Halla Even! Hei Isak." He smiled softly. "Takk for at du møtte meg på flyplassen."

Even smiled and pushed the flowers into Isak's hand, "Bare hyggelig, Isak. Det er så vakkert å se deg. Din Norsk har forbedret seg."

Isak looked blankly at him. "Sorry. I think I got 'you're welcome' or something like that, but the rest was a bit too complicated and fast for me."

So Even just kissed him, pulled him into his arms and kissed him. Isak threw his arms, flowers and all, round Even's neck and held on tightly. Even ran his fingers through his beautiful hair and kissed him. Rubbed his thumbs over his strong cheek bones and kissed him. Hugged him hard and held him tight, continuing to drop little touches with his lips onto his hair. Even felt his whole being settle, like a cat curling down onto a cushion. He was in Isak's arms and he was home. They both were.

When they eventually separated, Isak had wandered off to a seating area and was playing a game on his phone. Probably a little embarrassed but also sensitive enough to know that they needed a bit of privacy.

The two men started walking over to the seating area, Even helping Isak with his many bags and a rather awkward bunch of flowers.

Even bumped Isak's shoulder with his own, "Back there, what I said was - it was lovely to see you, and that your Norwegian has improved."

"Thank you, but I've only managed to get a few phrases off pat." Isak stopped in the middle of the concourse. "Norwegian is, like, really hard!" He giggled. "However, I have been practicing one phrase that I thought might come in useful...kyss meg igjen."

And who was Even to refuse anything that Isak asked in such accomplished Norwegian.

\-----

Isak thought he would feel overwhelmed or nervous, but as he probed his own emotions, all he could taste was contentment and happiness. And excitement, excitement for all that would come next. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop...for the bad news. Something would happen that would rob him of all of this, but it didn't seem to be coming. Isak wasn't a pessimist by nature, merely a realist based on many years of experience.

Even had borrowed Sonja's car to pick him up, hence the presence of Isak as well. Isak accompanying his father was part of the reason for Isak's contentment. If his son wanted to come and pick him up, he must be happy for them. 

Isak leaned forward from the back of the car. 

"Isak, do you think that we should come up with different names for us? I think it could get pretty confusing for pappa in conversations talking about 'Isak' and not knowing which one!"

"You could be 'Isaac', I suppose?" Even said, pronouncing the name in a perfect English accent. He looked at his partner from the driver's seat and raised his eyebrows.

Isak turned to look at him, a little confused. "I thought you couldn't pronounce 'Isaac'. You said 'Isak' from the start."

"When you told me how much you liked it, how it made you feel younger and more adventurous, there was no way I was going to chance losing THAT guy. So 'Isak' you were!"

They all laughed quietly.

Isak looked at Even and put his hand on Even's knee. He spoke seriously and quietly, just for Even. "I don't want to lose that guy either." 

He paused and turned round to catch young Isak's eye. He looked at him thoughtfully.

"I sometimes think of myself as Isak senior and you as Isak junior. How do you feel about that?" 

"Yeah...I think that's ok? Pappa?"

"Yeah, I think, I like that too. But only when we need to differentiate between you too. I don't want to lose my 'laughter' boys. I like saying Isak."

"I like hearing you say it."

They dropped Isak's bags off at Even's flat, 'at OUR flat', Isak thought, before taking the car and Isak junior back home. They had a coffee (tea for Isak senior) with Sonja to be polite and then the two men caught the train back into the city centre, holding hands and smiling like loons the whole way.

As they walked in the front door, Even suddenly turned to Isak and embraced him tightly. He spoke into his hair.

"I can't believe that you're here. That this has happened. That you did all of this!"

They stood that way for a long time.

As they pulled apart and looked at each other, both of their eyes were glistening with potential tears.

"I had no choice. I couldn't believe how dull and meaningless my life was without you. There was no shine anywhere. Everything was even more 'blah' than before. And then during that first week, when I made my decision to leave...I felt like I had meaning and purpose and...I couldn't wait to come home."

"Should we sit down?"

"Living room or bedroom?"

"Bedroom...definitely!"

They lay down, rather than sitting, and not surprisingly they were soon a tangle of limbs and hot wet kisses. God, Isak had missed this!

They each tried to take off each other's clothes, but that didn't seem to be working very well, hands crossing and getting in the way. So, eventually they both stood up and got themselves naked as quickly as possible.

Suddenly, Isak felt rather self conscious. Even stood in front of him, staring and looking him up and down. Isak moved his arms and hands awkwardly, trying to cover his groin without looking like he was trying to cover his groin.

"Holy fuck, Isak, you're so beautiful. I forgot how beautiful you are."

Isak's face crumpled, "Really? Including my grey pubes?"

Even let out a loud laugh, "...especially your grey pubes!"

They made eye contact and the silence became heavy, weighted.

"Isak, will you marry me?" Even spoke slowly and steadily.

Isak stared at him. "What?" He whispered, his voice breaking.

"Isak, will you marry me?"

"No, I mean, I heard you the first time, it's just that we're bollock naked...and...are you feeling ok?"

Even blinked slowly, "I am perfectly well thank you...I...er...I actually have talked this over with my therapist and he agrees this is a good idea. He helped me make a plan."

"Even...you and your therapist devised a plan where you would get me standing up bollock naked and then ask me to marry you? Is your therapist qualified? Registered? At all legitimate?"

Even giggled. "No, I was meant to take you out for dinner and ask you in a non-naked, more traditional kind of way. I know we've been together such a short time, but...let's face it, we're already in pretty deep. Erm...wait...wait here a minute."

He disappeared, jiggling, to the kitchen, still wearing no clothes and returned with a small wooden box.

"Do you want to put something on, Even?"

"No, I don't think so. How much more honest could we be? I literally have nothing to hide - and no where to hide it!"

He opened the box, "Isak, will you marry me? Isak helped me choose the ring."

The ring was a silver band, inlaid round the middle with two stripes of wood polished to a warm shine. It was lovely.

"Isak saw it and it was his favourite. Do you like it? One of the bands is English oak and one is Norwegian birch."

"I like it very much. Isak has good taste." He stood there, having just been proposed to, in Even's bedroom..in their bedroom, very naked, slightly aroused, staring at a wooden box and a silver ring. His fingers twitching at his side.

"I suppose I should put it on your finger then!" And he plucked the ring from the box and held it out. "Which finger do you want it on?"

Isak held out the ring finger on his left hand, "Let's be traditional."

Even put it on Isak's hand.

"What about you? You need a ring too. We need to get you a ring. We need to match. Everyone needs to know that we belong to each other."

"How about we finish the reason for getting naked in the first place, then unpack, and then maybe think about ring shopping."

Isak launched himself at Even and pushed them both back onto the bed, "Great plan."

It took them a little longer to get to the unpacking, but neither of them minded, as long as they could do it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it ends. I really liked these two, hope you did as well.
> 
> I appreciate every comment and kudos, thank you.
> 
> And now...to Oslo!


End file.
